Time: Sunday morning.
Cast: Wendy the Super Librarian and Her Man
Me: I need to ask you about something I read a lot in books....
My Man: This isn't about romance novels is it? Don't you have friends for this sort of thing?
Me: But I need a guy's perspective....
(Explains Soggy Bra Epidemic before he can flee the room)
My Man: Yeah, and.....
Me: Guys actually do that?
My Man: Yeah, and....
Me: Guys like to suck on fabric?!
My Man: Well, Wendy, you don't do it when the girl is wearing just any bra. It has to be something sheer.
Me: Ahhh, so only sexy bras.
My Man: ::eye roll:: Sheer.
Me: Have you ever done that? ::slightly horrified::
My Man: Well, no. I'm a Push The Bra Out Of The Way kind of guy. Or I wrestle it off her altogether. Uh, but you already know this....
Me: ::tuning him out:: But honestly, what girl walks around wearing sheer flimsy bras that couldn't support ping-pong balls for everyday wear......
Ohhhh.....
(Penny drops, a million light-bulbs flare to life, Wendy catches clue....)
Me: Right, romance novels. Of course the heroines are always wearing sheer, lacy, flimsy, sexy lingerie. No other form of undergarments exist in Romance Novel Land. Duh Wendy. Like, duh.
18 comments:
Your man is a wrestler, huh? ;)
Well, and those wimmens who have less than ping-pong balls to support...
Romance novels defy gravity. But you knew this already, right?
KB: He's a man of many talents ;)
Gail: Which used to be me, before some weight gain. Even then? I almost always went with some padding. 1) Because I didn't want to look like a 12-year-old boy and 2) I grew up in a cold weather climate. Uh, yeah. That might have strayed into TMI territory....
Ms Bookjunkie: LOL - of course! Romance novel characters also don't suffer from morning breath :)
Actually...it feels good through sheer fabric. :P
When my husband and I were dating, I had a favorite shirt that was apparently his favorite shirt too, because it always ended up with two strategically placed slobber spots if I didn't take it off quickly enough. It didn't happen so much with bras, except for the sheer ones worn intentionally when he was coming over, because back then I was small enough that a tight tank top (or one w/a shelf bra) would support me.
Posting anonymously, but I'm pretty sure my deviant friends will be able to figure out who I am. :)
See, this is what I'm saying. I don't have a lot of experience with men because I haven't dated in years, but go to WalMart and buy a cheap lace bra, then experiment either with a SO or just use an ice cube. Makes for - interesting sentations when a certain part of the female anatomy is hard enough it's threatening to rip the lace.
LOL Your man is great and very patient and understanding. :)
What a delightful post -- thought your He-Man was extremely patient -- they really don't like talking about this stuff, do they? But we all know that the perky young things that are featured in most romance novels usually have a life span of very few months, or so it seemed to someone like me that got pregnant almost immediately after getting married. Oh well . . . Thanks for sharing. . .
Great insight LOL! So I guess authors should precise it's sheer... or do we continue to assume? :P
Anon: Everyone should have deviant friends :)
Jami: Yes, it all comes down to wardrobe. And I forgot that things like granny panties and industrial suppot bras don't exist in Romance Novel Land. Sily Wendy.
Tracy: Bless his heart - I try not to pester him about romance novels too much.
Dr. J: To be fair to him, his eyes glaze over when I mention books period - not just romance novels. But he does humor me :)
Nath: My Man was insistent that not just any lingerie would do. Which begs the question of historical heroes sucking on chemises. The ones I've seen...of the historical variety at any rate...not so sheer.
Ah, but if the historical heroine is poor her chemise has been worn thin from many washings!
Wendy! I'm surprised that, as a Super Librarian, you didn't take your inquiry to its logical conclusion and ask for a demonstration.
;D ;D ;D
MaryK: Uh....I plead the fifth.
LOLOLOLOL!
Srsly, best comments I've ever gotten on this blog are all thanks to the Soggy Bra Epidemic.
Hm - I don't know about Granny Panties totally not existing. There was this one I read a long time ago when I was going through my Phantom and anything Phantom-like obsession. This young orphan girl who has a talent for writing music meets a strange man in a black feathered swan mask who gives her music lessons and even helps her write an opera.
Anyway, before she finally realizes she's in love with him - and that the swan feathers are not a mask but his actual face as he's a descendant of Helen Of Troy - she has a near-sexual encounter with a stranger at a party and she's wearing big old bloomers. He informs her she's overdressed.
It was also the only time I've seen hairy armpits mentioned even though they were historically accurate. Her black swan prince cruelly offers her a harem girl costume as he's pissed off at her and she realizes that her hair pits would show. And she won't remove the hair with lye like one of the other orphans do as "That's a sin." So she refuses to wear the costume and he offers her one where her hairy pits won't show.
I wish I could remember the book. I always wondered if the author turned it into a series has the black swan prince had a bunch of relatives and Helen of Troy herself shows up at the wedding - seems these swans are immortal - and all her grandkids beg her to do something so their cousin won't ever have to live without his mortal bride. And she replies "There is something" suggesting that the heroine can be turned into an immortal too. But that's pretty much where it was left off.
So see, granny panties AND hairy armpits all in one book!
I also remember that the black swan prince's main rival was named Michael John.
ROTFL - Hilarious conversation between you and your man
I haven't run across this in any historicals that I can recall. I have experienced this with my partner while wearing a rather unsexy silk camisole. I say it's unsexy because I was wearing it solely for the purpose of warmth. The thought of chewing lace or having someone chew on me while wearing lace makes me queasy--it's like one of those nails-on-the-chalkboard sensations. Actually I rarely wear lacy or bras anymore. Years of nursing gave me Nipples of Steel that show through anything sheer.
@JamiSings - My sister has a Phantom and anything Phantom-like obsession. I've been wanting to exploit it and get her reading Romance. :) [She loves Rom-Com movies but turns her nose up at Romance novels. Go figure!] Can you recommend any Phantom-like Romances? If you remember any, would you mind emailing me at markatkenATgmailDOTcom? I don't want to highjack Wendy's Soggy Bra post! :D
KristieJ: I try to not subject him to TOO much romance novel blathering. Bless his heart - he's really good at humoring me....or tuning me out :)
Hannah: For historicals it would be The Chemise Suck or The Soggy Chemise :) And LOL - Nipples Of Steel. Is that sort of like Abs Of Steel? Or Buns Of Steel? Anyone else remember those work-out videos?
Jami: Now I'm driving myself nuts thinking about time travel romances - because I think I *might* have read Granny Panties in one of those once. Or maybe I'm making that up? The thought of Soggy Bras has short-circuited my brain.
Oh, and e-mail MaryK :)
I did. I also asked the Smart Bitches to try and help me remember the hairy pits one. I hope to hear back from them. If I don't in a week I'll post it in my own blog & hope someone heard of it.
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