Review: The Librarians

This was not good.

I know what you're thinking. The Librarians was written by Sherry Thomas, how can it not be good? 

Folks, trust me - this was not good. I can say with 100% certainty had I tried to read the languishing ARC I had on my Kindle it would have been a DNF. As is, I cannot believe I didn't DNF the audiobook. I have no excuse for this other than it was Sherry Thomas and surely it couldn't be this bad, could it?

Narrator: it was, indeed, that bad.

The story takes place in a suburb of Austin, Texas at a branch library of the Austin Public Library. The staff includes: Sophie, the branch manager, and lesbian single mom; Jonathan, a librarian, former standout high school athlete, former Navy man and gay; Astrid, another librarian who for completely inane reasons presents herself as Swedish, right down a fake accent and Hazel, the new library clerk who used to live in Singapore but moved to Austin to help take care of her grandmother after her husband was arrested for financial shenanigans. 

It's a couple days before Halloween and the library is gearing up for it's first ever game night (as in board games) and it turns out to be a success - that is until after hours that same night, two people are found dead. The first one is Perry, a British man who had a "situationship" with Astrid before he ghosted her and just recently returned to the scene of that crime, and another woman who had attended game night and whose appearance left Sophie (who has plenty to hide...) all spun up. 

The plot doesn't go anywhere for the first 50% of the book. What happens in that first 50%? Basically it's a big ol' character study, complete with shifting points-of-view, internal musings, and a non-linear timeline, complete with flashbacks. Boring. What it is is boring. 

Then at 50% the two dead bodies thing ramps up with enough police pressure that the characters end up sitting down, spilling their various secrets, and decide to play Scooby Doo, without the talking Great Dane bit. I think what Thomas was shooting for here was a Secret Lives of Librarians vibe, but it's all just so boring and clunky. The pop culture references are especially lumpy and egregious. Seriously, don't play a drinking game with this book and Game of Thrones references - you'll be dead from alcohol poisoning before you get to the final chapters.

This could work if you find the characters compelling, but only Jonathan and Hazel manage to elevate themselves to marginally interesting. Sophie is a panicked mess for the entire book and Astrid is so twee you just want to smack her into next Tuesday. Seriously, she fakes being Swedish - it's all just so...stupid. Astrid, girl, you know why you don't have any friends? Because you smell like desperation after it's rolled in a hot mess. And after a while even Jonathan gets to be too much. Look, I bought the former Navy thing but there's a throwaway bit near the end where we find out he was a NAVY EFFIN' SEAL. Y'all, if this guy was a SEAL start calling me Your Majesty because I'm the Queen of England. I'm not saying gay men can't be SEALs, what I am saying is Jonathan as a character carries himself through life with all the confidence of wet tissue paper. He barely carries himself like former military let alone a NAVY EFFIN' SEAL! 

It all turns out right as rain in the end and Thomas even gives readers two romantic storylines, which are nice inclusions but honestly a detriment to the mystery which hinges on a pile of coincidences. As I sit here typing this up I still can't tell you why I didn't DNF this. Honestly, that would make a more compelling mystery.

Final Grade = D