Dear Lebron,So today is the big day you're going to make your announcement. I must commend you on the exorbitant amount of hype your free agency year has managed to generate the past two years now. I mean, really - it's been a thing of awe and wonder. And all this press can only mean good things for you and the sizable, obscene contract you're likely going to get from....well, whomever.
However, that's not why I'm choosing to write to you today. No, I'm writing because I've now seen preliminary budget figures for my library's new fiscal year. I suspected that it was going to suck so bad that I'd lose fillings. Turns out I not only need to worry about my fillings, but also the two crowns I have, and the possibility of losing a couple of permanent teeth. It's pretty bad Lebron. It's not good at all.
I understand that you're from Ohio, and not California, but if you found it in your heart to throw...oh say, a million or two my library's way, we'd be most appreciative. Yes, I know it would make more sense to give Ohio libraries money, but did I mention my parents are from Ohio? I'm only one degree separated from your home state! Plus, I'm a librarian who actually likes sports and talks about them on my blog. OK, so I don't talk about basketball all the much. OK, ever. And OK, sure, you're a big Yankee fan and uh, me not so much. Oh, and you like the Dallas Cowboys, and my bile ducts start twitching when I even think about Tony Romo's smug face....
(that I need to stop thinking about right now because I have the sudden urge to punch something....)
But really, we shouldn't let any of that stand in the way of what could be a mutually beneficial relationship.
You sign big free agent contract with....whomever and then throw a million or so dollars at my library. Just think of the tax write-off! Seriously, who couldn't use a tax write-off these days? I mean, your stock portfolio can't be doing all that well. Plus, I'm sure my boss would be more than happy to fill out a donation receipt for your accountant. We'll hold a preschool story time in your honor! Invite you to sit in on one of our computer classes! If you had come to us sooner, we could have helped you fill out job applications online. Hey, and if you need help deciphering the legalese in that new contract you'll be signing, we have some books that could help you out with that. We're librarians. We're good people.
It's something to consider when you're not busy hanging with your entourage, signing huge free agent contracts, consulting whatever sports apparel company about your new shoe etc. Plus, just think of how proud your mother would be of you. The whole NBA superstar who can hold an entire fan population and sports league in limbo while he weighs his options? A mere pittance of pride compared to you tossing a million or so bucks at a California library system.
Thank you for your consideration, best of luck wherever your career takes you next and I eagerly await your reply.
Sincerely,
Wendy the Super Librarian
