#TBRChallenge 2019: Stone Cold Undercover Agent

The Book: Stone Cold Undercover Agent by Nicole Helm

The Particulars: Romantic Suspense, Harlequin Intrigue, 2017, Book #2 in trilogy, out of print, available in digital

Why Was It In Wendy's TBR?: I picked this up at an RWA conference (2017 most likely) and at that time I think Helm was fairly new to Harlequin Intrigue.  I have enjoyed some of her SuperRomances, and neither here nor there she's a baseball fan.  So we chat on occasion.

The Review: Let me preface this by saying that I've enjoyed Helm's books in the past and she has the kind of style that I sink into.  And when you couple that style with the Intrigue line?  If the author is hitting her beats it's pretty much a guarantee that I won't come up for air until I finish the last page.  Which is what happened here.  Even though this book is a hot mess that defies logic.  Seriously.  Some of that can probably be chalked up to being book 2 in a trilogy, when I haven't read book 1, but there are elements in play with this book that don't make a whole lot of sense.

Gabriella Torres was kidnapped 8 years ago by a madman whose motives are never made clear.  For one thing, we never find out why he's kidnapping women (because there are others besides Gabby).  "The Stallion" seems to be looking for "the perfect woman" - even resorting to taking measurements.  He has a collection of creepy dolls he coos over.  Oh, and he doesn't rape his captives nor does he allow his henchmen too.  Look, on one hand it's refreshing to read a romantic suspense novel where the heroine isn't an abuse survivor - but rape is about power, not sex.  So Gabby being untouched in 8 long years of captivity, when "The Stallion" seems to want to "break" her - um, how does this make any sense?  I know this is an insane thing to quibble about but with so many high publicized cases, all the true crime TV shows and podcasts out there...This. Doesn't. Make. Sense.

Anyway, The Stallion is some kind of evil crime lord.  But we never get any details about his "business" other than "drugs."  He has the kidnapped girls doing some work (sewing drugs into pillows, stuffed animals and the like) and he's got hired goons running around doing hired goon stuff but other than that?  Yeah, we got nothing.  And he's not raping any of the women nor prostituting them (Gabby isn't special) - which begs the question of WHY IS HE KIDNAPPING THEM?!?!  I don't know much about the drug business but I'm thinking he could probably get plenty of willing workers without resorting to kidnapping.  But, who knows?  It's not a business model I've explored for myself so what do I really know?

Jaime Alessandro has been undercover in The Stallion's organization for two years, and is starting to crack up.  But he's finally worked his way up the ladder and has been "gifted" Gabby by his boss.  Why The Stallion finally thinks it's OK for Jaime to do the dirty with Gabby when he's protected her from Every. Single. Other. Henchman. and has never prostituted her out via human trafficking in the previous eight years?  Also not explained.  At all.  Apparently readers just need to roll with it.

Gabby has paid attention, noticed patterns to The Stallion's movements and Jaime needs her help to ferret out his various hideouts and uncover evidence.  The information she shares with him isn't exactly earth shattering, nor does it lead to some crazy stash of cash or a mass grave of dead bodies - but whatever.  Just roll with it.  Anyway...Gabby thinks Jaime is there to rape her, but eventually pieces together that he's an undercover cop.  But when they're around other henchmen or The Stallion - they need to act like she's scared and he's roughing her up.  So the power dynamic here is all sorts of squirky.

These two don't need a love story - they need years of therapy.  The human spirit is an amazing and resilient wonder, but Gabby has been in captivity for eight years.  It's great that she's feisty but dude - she's too feisty.  And Jaime has been deep undercover for two years.  Doing bad things.  Witnessing bad things.  I don't care who you are Mr. Macho Romance Hero - nobody walks away from that clean.  So to have these two hot for each, burning up the sheets (yes, there are sex scenes), and declaring they love for each other after less than one week of knowing each other AND factoring in their respective baggage?  I cannot suspend that much disbelief.

And yet?  I read this book straight through.  As in picked it up, didn't put it down, went to bed late on a school night.  Why?  Lord, I don't know!  And while I have no interest in reading the first book in the series (about Gabby's sister), I'm going to track down book #3 which is about another kidnapped woman who becomes slightly unhinged over the course of this story.  I mean, I need more Alyssa is my life apparently.

Helm can obviously write because I tore through this during a time when I've been reading books slower than usual (which, for me, is extra slow since I've never been a fast reader).  It's hard to explain if you're not a category reader, but an author can write a mess of a book and if the beats are hit at just the right moments?  It's darn near impossible for me to stop.  There's a reason Intrigues are my go-to reading when I'm traveling and stuck on airplanes. 

So for that reason, it feels wrong to slap this with the grade I'm going to, but seriously - this plot is a dang mess.  Helm's written better.

Final Grade = D

Review: All I Am

About a month ago I asked the Twitter hive for recently published contemporary romances featuring virgin heroes.  A couple of folks chimed in with All I Am by Nicole Helm.  Descriptions such as "super good" and "VERY sweet" may have been bandied about.  I happened to already have the book in my TBR thanks to the last time Harlequin had a killer sale I couldn't ignore, and voila!

Wes Stone was injured in an explosion while he was serving in Afghanistan.  He's back home now, living life as a hermit.  After multiple surgeries, the reality that his dreams of becoming a veterinarian are officially over, tired of the pity and of people treating him like an invalid, Wes lives in his remote cabin in the woods, surrounded by stray animals he's taken in, and getting his organic dog treat (yes, really) business off the ground.

It's at one of the local farmer's markets where he's selling his dog treats that he meets Cara Pruitt - local party girl.  Cara is in her mid-20s and has no clue where her life is going.  Her job at the local beauty salon is going nowhere, the job interview her sister set up for her was a disaster, basically Cara is a screw-up.  But then she meets Wes and something inside her snaps.  She basically hornswoggles him into giving her a job.  Wes can make dog treats, but the business side of things?  He's not terribly organized.  Being a salesman?  Ha ha ha ha!  Wes is rough around the edges to the point where he totally needs Cara's help.  And if she's working for him?  It buys her a little time with her own family and dealing with her own shortcomings.

We all know where this is going, right?  What we have here are two seriously screwed-up people who spend an exorbitant amount of time in their own heads.  Wes is no good dealing with people, so he pushes everyone away before they figure out how truly screwed-up he is.  Cara figures admitting you're a failure and owning that fact is better than waiting for others to discover it about you - so she runs.  A lot.  She's the master at self-sabotage.  Ultimately these two people are the perfect people for each other - it's just going to take some time for them to convince themselves of that fact.

It's an interesting romance and it features two types of characters I have a massive soft spot for - the heroine with a "reputation" and the awkward, inexperienced-in-the-ways-of-love hero (read in between the lines there).  And they're both very good at shutting people out of their lives.  However when these two get together, the uneasiness, the uncertainty - it's all very sweet.  Cara knows flirting, she knows sex - but in every other aspect of her life she's uncertain.  Wes isn't certain of anything other than he's tired of surgeries, he's tired of the empty promises that doctors make, and he's tired of being alone.  It just takes him a little while to realize that last bit.

This all being said, the conflict here is, outside of Cara's crummy friends and a local Mean Girl, all internal.  And when you have two characters so wrapped up in their own insecurities and uncertainties?  It gets pretty exhausting after a while to be constantly wrapped up in that.  Especially during the last 20% or so of the story when the author has to wedge the couple apart again in order for Wes to make his Grand Gesture (and it is worth the wait) - but still...exhausting.

But it is emotional and it felt like characters with real problems.  Because really, at the end of the day, feeling insecure and unsure of yourself - this is tangible conflict that a lot of readers will have no problem relating to.  I may have wanted to smack Wes and Cara at times, but these aren't bad people.  They're just screwed-up people who really don't know who they are or where they're going - but they end up figuring it out together.  Which, really - isn't that what we all want?

Final Grade = B