Top Ten Signs I Know I'm Now 40
Happy frickin' Birthday*
1) The "oldies" station is playing Top 40 hits from the 1980s.
2) My wardrobe consists of professional work attire, yoga pants, and ratty T-shirts. Bar-hopping, going-out clothes? Why would I possibly need those?
3) I drink a vodka/cranberry and wince. How did I drink these when I was 21? HOW?!?!?!?!
4) Sleeping in until 9AM is totally self-indulgent and I'm a complete slug who has wasted the entire day.
5) Can someone explain to me what MTV and VH1 are supposed to be now? No, really. I don't understand.
Jose Iglesias and I realize I am now officially a dirty old woman. Or a desperate cougar.
7) Mammograms. I now need to worry about mammograms. Note to self: Call doctor.
8) I don't immediately grasp all new technology like a duck to water. I figure in another couple of years I'll have totally morphed into my mom.
9) People I went to high school with are now grandparents. Shoot. Me. Now.
10) I go shopping and see horrible fashion trends making a comeback. Kids, listen to your Auntie Wendy. Jelly shoes and neon colors were a bad idea back in my day, and guess what? They're still a bad idea now. Run! Save yourselves!
* No, really. I'm OK with the fact that today is my birthday and I've hit the big 4-0. I wouldn't say I'm "upset" about it. More like confused. I mean, how did this happen? How could I possibly be 40? Wasn't I in college, like, last week?