Thursday, December 11, 2008

There's No I In Team

13 Sports Terms That Sound Kinda Dirty
My Man and I watch an obscene amount of sports, and we both have the sense of humor of 12 year old boys. These are sports terms or things we've heard announcers say over the years that struck us as "kinda naughty." Enjoy!

1) He Could Go All The Way! American football. Basically when a guy catches the ball and runs a long ass way to the end zone for a touchdown. Dirty comment: I certainly hope so, otherwise I'll be really disappointed.

2) Tight End. Honorable mention? Hall Of Fame Tight End. American football. An offensive position player. Dirty comment: Mmmmmm, tight ends.....

3) Good wood. Baseball. When a player solidly hits the ball he got "good wood." Dirty comment: I certainly hope so, otherwise I'll be really disappointed.

4) Ball handling skills. Basketball. Refers to dribbling, passing, basically how well the player handles the basketball. Dirty comment: Well, basketball players do have big hands....

5) Illegal touching. A penalty in American football. Not just anyone can catch the football. For example, the only time an offensive lineman can catch the ball is when he declares himself as an "eligible receiver" or the ball is first touched/tipped by a defensive player. Dirty comment: Isn't Roman Polanski still a fugitive because of this?

6) Driving to the hole. Basketball. Basically a guy charging to the basket to make a shot. Dirty comment: Geez, hopefully the guy doesn't get lost because you know he won't stop and ask for directions.

7) Squeeze Play. Baseball. Runner standing on third base and the batter sacrifice bunts. The idea is that the batter will get thrown out at first, while the guy on third runs home to score. Dirty comment: Ouch!

8) Pick and roll. Basketball. An offensive play in which a player stops to block a defender for a teammate handling the ball and then slips behind the defender to accept a pass. Dirty comment: Friday night at your favorite seedy bar.

9) Deep ball. Baseball. Home run. Dirty comment: Well it sounds like fun in theory, but it might hurt....

10) Long ball. Baseball. Home run. And often used in the sentence "Chicks dig the long ball." For the record? Yeah, we do. Dirty comment: Guys, when your doctor tells you to turn your head and cough, pray you don't turn around to find him looking confused.

11) Winners always want the ball in their hands at the end. Basketball. Super star or "clutch" players who make the game winning shot. Think Michael Jordan in pretty much every playoff game he was ever in. Dirty comment: Given the amount of groupies that stalk NBA players, I'm sure Michael had plenty of volunteers to help him in this department.

12) Rode him hard to the finish. Horse racing. Self-explanatory. Dirty comment: I'm flushed....I need a cold shower....what was I doing?....oh yeah, need to finish this list.

13) Missed him deep. American Football. Quarterback chucks the ball down the field, only to over-throw his deep receiver (tee hee). Dirty comment: This sounds painful and unfortunate. I'm also pretty sure it would require a trip to the ER.


Travis Erwin said...

You left out hockey and all the great puns involving the stick and what not.

He's got strong stick handling skills.

He scored with a wrister ... in some places they call that spaking your monkey.

He got a 2 minute penalty for stick holding.

they are endless.

Barbara said...

LOL. Very Fresh ;)

Oh and wanted to let you know Super Librarian suggested correctly.

I believe is was Roseanne Bittner. Kristie suggested Sioux Splendor, I read the blurb and I think it's the book alright. I'll let you know if it was for certain.

Thanks again for your help :)

Lori said...

LOL! Too funny! Thanks for perking up my morning.

Leah Braemel said...

These are almost as good as the golf announcer who accidentally (we hope) announced golfer Bernard Langer "Longhard Banger".

Kati said...

Deep ball can be football also, as in, he caught the deep ball.

This made me laugh my ass off. Thanks, Wendy!

Mel Hiers said...

Great post! I swear that everything that comes out of sportscasters mouths sounds dirty. My husband hates watching games with me because I mock. :-P

wonderings said...

She shoots - she scores!

(cheers wildly)

EmJay said...

I watch way too much basketball, and sometimes the color commentary makes me snort like an adolescent boy: beat off the dribble, over-penetrating, dribble penetration, and my personal favorite, going downtown.

Anonymous said...

Ha! This immediately called to mind one of the books in my ebook library: "A Man, A Jersey and a Tight End" by AM Riley. Ahhh, m/m erotica, how we love you!

Wendy said...

Travis: My Man and I worked on this list together - and you're right. We totally skipped hockey. Shame on us! We haven't been out of Michigan that long.....

Barbara: Yippeee! I hope it's the book!

Leah: Oh, that's just wrong.

Kati: Or as in the quarterback can't throw the deep ball. Tee Hee

Mel: I need to start taking notes during the game. Watching football a couple of weeks ago, Dan Dierdorf said something particularly dirty - and dang if I can remember now.

Lori: Better than coffee, I am.

Wonderings: Hey, that's another one! LOL

EmJay: "Pick and roll" always reduces me to giggles.

Anon: Tight End is pretty much tailor made for erotica dontcha think?

Emily said...

The only enjoyment I get out of sports are the double entendres.

Mostly I just get roped into watching Ultimate Fighting, during which they do something called the "Rear Naked Choke"
Its also very fun to yell "aww, they're hugging! they're hugging!"

Bridget Locke said...

*snicker* Thanks for the chuckle. :D

Cathy in AK said...

"He's confident in the pocket" (football) Oh thank goodness!

"Two minute warning" (football) Don't know if that's good or bad...

"False start" (football) Oh, that's definitely not good :(

Kristie (J) said...

*g* Funny!!!!!

JenB said...

Sports terms really do sound dirty.

My husband hates it when I snicker over his beloved games, but come on..."They need better penetration"???? How can I resist that? :D