Disclaimer: I have not read Breaking Dawn, and if the fact that I'm currently slogging through Twilight on audio is any indication, I doubt I ever will. But my Lil' Sis, The High School English Teacher, is madly obsessed with this series. I'm surprised girlfriend hasn't rented a car, driven to Forks, bitch slapped Bella, and shown Edward how fabulous a real woman can be. But I digress.
The Boyfriend: Wendy, it's your sister!
Me: Hey chica, what's up?
Lil' Sis: OMG. I had to call you. I know you don't read this series, and likely don't care, but I had to bitch to someone and knew you'd understand.
Lil' Sis: Stephenie Meyer has just crapped all over her legacy. I can't believe what she has done with this book. I am so glad I grabbed a copy at school and didn't spend $20 on this stinky pile of poo.
Me: Yeah, I've seen some rumblings online that people aren't happy with it.
Lil' Sis: Cripes, some of my girls are writing better fan fiction than this! I've read 500 pages and had to stop. I only have 200 to go and could slam dunk this thing before bed, but I have to take a break, that's how bad it is. She has a couple of natural endings in this story but she just keeps going on and on and on. Ugh, and the melodrama! And did I mention how terrible the writing is?
Me: Yeah, I think you might have mentioned that.
Lil' Sis: OMG, you know what this book is? It's Godfather Part III! You know how when you watch The Godfather and you think, "Damn, this is a great movie." Then you watch Godfather Part II and you think, "Damn skippy it's better! I thought the first one was great but this one is amazing!" And then you get the steaming pile of crap that is Godfather Part III. Yeah. Sophia Coppola having sex with her cousin. I don't care if your cousin is a hot piece like Andy Garcia, you do not have sex with your cousin!
Me: Can I quote you on that? I never can pass up blog fodder.
Lil' Sis: Yeah. I still have 200 pages, but Breaking Dawn is Godfather Part III. Totally.
My sister, she amuses me.