Thursday, October 18, 2007

We Need Downy, Stat!

Dear Romance Authors,

I understand that you write genre fiction and in genre fiction certain plot devices get rewritten, recycled and reworked. It's the nature of the beast and honestly, I'm OK with that. But for the love of all that is holy, is it really necessary to recycle bad writing? I'm, of course, talking about the "spark" that occurs when the hero and heroine accidentally touch or bump into each other. All I can think about is how these poor characters obviously don't have access to fabric softener and I just feel sorry for them.

So please, for my sanity and the sanity of readers everywhere, let that annoying spark die. It needs to go. It's just stupid. I've had several love affairs in my day and have felt a lot of things (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) but I never got a "spark" from a man when I handed him some item and our fingers accidentally grazed each other. It's cliche. It's stupid (I might have mentioned that already, but it bears repeating) and it drives me bat-shit. Please stop it right now or we'll have to pursue legal channels.

Wendy The Super Librarian

P.S. - You can expect another letter next week about heroines constantly licking their lips. Is it so hard to write in a tube of ChapStick? Just saying.


Holly said...

THANK YOU WENDY! I couldn't agree with you more. It drives me bat-shit crazy when there's that spark. I mean, sure, I've been shocked a couple times, but it wasn't a good feeling....

meljean brook said...

The first romance I wrote had a spark. They were in bed a page later.

I was twelve, and so every time I see it somewhere else, I think: this is a twelve-year-old's version of romance. Not fair of me, I guess, but something I can't shake.

Katie said...

SNORT, that's hilarious. I HATE those scenes, they are so over the top eye-rolling BAD. But even worse are the heroines who constantly lick their lips. I have tried that out when I mad a nice Scotsman but I just felt silly and in the end it was just EXHAUSTING. LOL.

Gwen said...

Tee hee!

I feel the same way about "didn't know where one ended and the other began." ::eyes rolling::

What are they conjoined twins or something? That's just oogie.

Lori said...

LMAO!! So true!!

Ann Bruce said...

Wendy, I'm taking notes.

Rosie said...

This was a good one. How come no one ever feels like they're going to throw up (from nerves). Now that's happened to be a couple of times. Guess it just doesn't say lurve like the spark does.

Sherry Thomas said...

I've never been a spark person. But I'm big on jolts--why bother with sparks when you can have jolts?

Are jolts okay? Cuz I've felt that jolt in my day, never sparks, but ooh baby those jolts.

Meghan said...

Looks like I'm the odd woman out on this one. I like the spark scenes.

I will freely admit, however, that I wish they were described differently every now and then. The word "spark" does seem to insinuate that there might be some spontaneous human combustion. Nevertheless, I am all for the scenes where brushing fingers sends chills down the hero or heroine's spine.

There's this guy who sends tingles through me every time we touch, even in the most casual, pass me the remote kind of way. So if a writer can remind of that feeling, I am all for it.

Shayla Kersten said...

ROTFLMAO! I don't think I've used the spark thing but now if I even think it, I will have a bottle of Downey hovering in my mind!

vanessa jaye said...

I'm sorta with Meghan that I have had that slight, sweet, sudden shiver run through me. A frisson? But... I can't say it's ever happened just because we grazed fingertips. ;) Then again, given the strictures of behaviour & dress back in the day, I can believe that it could be extremely pleasurable/shocking to touch bare hands, etc.

As for the "didn't know where one ended and the other began." erm, gotta cop to that one too. ::cough:: And I know a couple of my friends who have also experienced it. You can be so into the moment with someone, so caught up in emotions, passion, sensations--giving and recieving-- that it becomes so intense it feels spiritual as well, and you do lose yourself to that connection.

But we all have our pet peeves. Mine's is: his cock twitched. How I loathe ::sneering:: that phrase.

Meghan said...

"But we all have our pet peeves. Mine's is: his cock twitched. How I loathe ::sneering:: that phrase."

I am SO with you on that one as well, Vanessa. In fact, you've reminded me of one of my favorite romance novel quotes. This came out of "Improper English" by Katie MacAlister. The heroine's friend is reading a first draft of the heroine's romance novel and she says:

No throbbing! Nothing should throb. It sounds like it's infected.

My best friend and I died when we read that. Now, everytime I read a scene where the hero's manly bits throb, pulsate, or seem to dance around on their own I giggle.