Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Isn't It Romantic?

I had a nice long weekend off from work, which I spent baking cookies, drooling on myself, and slipping into the occasional self-induced coma. I also haven't been reading, so I'm only about 30 pages into Count To Ten by Karen Rose. It's a long-ass book too, so I need to get cracking (550 pages! I suffer from an irregular heartbeat starting at 400) .

Dear Author has a similar post going today, and since I'm still suffering from Long Weekend Brain, I'm going to piggy-back on it.

I've never been a big Valentine's Day girl. Regardless of whether or not I'm in a relationship, I find the "holiday" much ado about nothing. Frankly, The Boyfriend will buy me chocolate on any given day - I don't "need" a "holiday" to condone my addiction. OK, it does help.

I'm so low maintenance I suspect I'm dead. I'm missing the Girl Shopping Gene, I have never expected gifts from any of my beaus, and while I adore good surprises - they aren't required. Frankly, all I'm looking for in a guy is someone who can hold an intelligent conversation, bathes regularly, and likes me. Of course to sustain any sort of relationship, respect and a sense of humor help tremendously - and I adore men who don't take themselves to seriously. Honey, your shit stinks like everyone else's so don't try to convince me you're better because you're 1) Hot 2) Book smart or 3) Think you're God. It doesn't work that way in my universe.

I've always been a bit disgusted with High Maintenance Girls. You know the type. It's our 2.5 week anniversary and you didn't bring me flowers?! I wanted to marry you until I saw the ring was less than a carat! And inevitably they have a closet full of clothes/purses that cost more than my college education.

I don't know. Maybe it's a Midwestern thing. The Boyfriend gets my rocks off when he does something sweet and unexpected - and typically it involves cleaning. I expect to come home after a trip away to find the apartment in chaos and dishes piled up in the sink. Instead, he loaded the dishwasher, ran the vacuum and cleaned the bathroom.

But none of this really translates into what is traditionally thought of as romantic. Guys like to gripe about Valentine's Day, but really it's very simple. So simple, that I'm going to spell it out for any men who unwittingly hit on this blog post. Here it is guys, the secret to great sex and a happy woman. Ready?

Just take out the garbage without being asked 20 times.

Don't surprise her with breakfast in bed, surprise her by doing the laundry. And while you're at it, mop the floor, dust the furniture, take her car in for an oil change, leave her at home (alone!) while you take the kids out to see a movie, or better yet - send her to the spa for the day while you stay with the kids at home. All day. Oh, and while you're at it, have dinner ready when she gets back.

This is all stuff women do every day, every single moment of our miserable overworked lives (am I laying it on a little thick?). So guys, unless your woman is a whiney, high maintenance shopaholic - skip the roses (but go ahead and buy the chocolate) and do any of the above. Seriously, she'll fall in love with you all over again and I guarantee she'll be more than appreciative when bed time rolls around. Of course, by then you might be too tired to do much of anything, but she'll think it's the best Valentine's Day ever.


phyl said...

Amen to that sister!
Just want to say that I've been lurking on your blog for awhile and love it. I'm a frustrated librarian at heart (never followed through on my dream because of evil Victor, the neighborhood librarian of my childhood, but that's a long story) Needless to say I live vicariously through your library adventures. Good stuff!

Rosie said...

I'm late because of a houseful of company, but I second the Amen!

My guy gets more mileage from doing the dinner dishes than a bouquet of roses any day.