I swear I don't make this stuff up.
We just had a patron come into the library that needed to use the computer. After flashing us his picture ID, we went to issue him a card. Guess what? He's already in the system.
"Do you have a card that looks like this (holding up an example) at home sir?"
"Yes I do."
OK, so since he needs to use the Internet I offer to let him on using a guest pass.
"Do you need to print anything sir?"
"No, I just need to get on this web site."
"OK, because you cannot print using a guest pass."
So I sign him on to an open computer. Guess what? He has no clue how to use the Internet. So one of my librarians offers to help him. Guess what? Apparantly this web site he wants on is "secret."
Sometimes I think libraries should come equipped with that robot from Lost In Space who will stand at the front door and spin around saying "danger danger" when someone "not right" crosses the threshold. I wonder if I could convince my boss of the expense...
Anyway my librarian finds what he wants (an entry form) and I overhear her say - "OK, this is how you print."
That's when I say, "Librarian's name, he cannot print - he's using a guest pass."
My librarian then suggests he goes to Kinkos to print up the form because, suprise suprise, he needs to fax the entry form (a service my library doesn't offer). He then explains he can't do that since he has no money. Nevermind that the contest he wants to enter has a $1000 entry fee.
He leaves in a huff.
Some days I wonder how I've made it this far without keeping a bottle of Jack in my bottom desk drawer.