This Is Romance?!

I finished reading (finally) my first F rated romance of the year this week.

Windwalker by Natasha Mostert.

Now why did I rate it an F? Well, it had a lot of problems, but what ultimately clinched it was the ending. Repeat after me, this book is not a romance. And since it was published under Tor's paranormal romance line that is a real problem. Frankly, it borders on false advertising.

The heroine is a photojournalist running away from her problems. She has attempted suicide in the past, has a really shitty relationship with Mom, and feels guilty over her part in her beloved brother's death. So instead of seeing a good therapist, she decides to take the job of caretaker of a rundown English manor.

Cue creepy music here.

The hero is the son of the former owner of said creepy manor, living in exile in Africa. He murdered his brother 9 years ago. So now he wanders the African desert and writes letters to a mysterious woman. See, our boy believes in the concept of "soul mates." The mysterious woman in question is the heroine. He just doesn't know who the heck she is, and that she's living in his former home.

Windwalker is the most boring romance I have ever read. I'd never read a boring romance before. Oh sure, I've read bad ones - but boring? We're talking pages and pages of description here. Chapters go by without any dialouge. It takes forever for something to happen, and when it finally does it's so frickin' anti-climactic I could care less.

Then there is the suspense - um, there isn't any. There's some decent gothic atmosphere here, but with no suspense to add punch it becomes really dull. Justine attracts a stalker once she's living in the manor, but the reader knows immediately his identity - so gee we just follow him skulking about for the entire book. Boring. Then there's a tedious villain in Africa with Russian mob ties whose business scheme is thwarted by the hero's friend. Gee, wonder what will happen there?

But that's not the worst of it. Oh no. Boring I can live with. But the ending? Mostert breaks the cardinal rule of romance. I'm talking the granddaddy of all rules. Did you hate the ending to A Knight In Shining Armor? This one is worse. Trust me. I liked the ending to AKISA, and this ending made me want to ram my head into a wall.

If you don't believe me, check out the review over at AAR. My review over at TRR should be posted within the next week or so.

Hello Shit, Meet Fan

So Alison Kent has outted herself as one of the mysterious creators behind Romancing The Blog.

Naturally the online blog chatter has ranged from "Ha, I knew it!" to "That's cool" to "That devious bitch lied to us!"

And since you all care ever so much about my opinion (ha!) here it goes:

I actually wish I would have known in the beginning, as it would have made my decision easier! When I was approached about being a columnist, by an individual I'd never heard of before, I was skeptical. I've gotten a lot of "invitations" over the years to join other sites - some of which smelled about as legit as one week old salmon left out in the sun. Deciding factors for me were the fact that several authors had already signed up (including Alison!), LLB (who is nothing but cautious) and fellow TRR reviewer Alyssa. I figured I could always back out if the whole thing turned out to be a nightmare. So far, it hasn't.

Am I personally peeved with Alison? No not really. I mean, I understand why she did it. That said, while I think Alison is an interesting person online I don't really know her. She's not a friend. I've never met her. I've never sat down with her and had an in-depth conversation. Hell, I've never had an in-depth conversation with her online. She's merely a romance author who writes a blog I enjoy reading. So I'm not personally offended by her lie by omission.

Now if I were Alison's friend? Maybe even a fellow colleague/author? Maybe I'd be upset. But shoulda, woulda, coulda. I'm none of those, so I'm not really upset. I know several people who lie by omission when it comes to their Internet personalities. Just like there is a Home Wendy and Librarian/Work Wendy. I wear different hats depending on the situation I'm in.

This whole brouhaha stems from criticism recently levelled at Romancing The Blog by readers who have found it lacking. I can understand their opinions, but to me it very much reads like a magazine. I'm not going to love every article in a magazine, just as I don't love every blog entry over at RtB. Some columnists are wonderful writers, and some of us need help.

I know my columns are certainly not the best written, but I knew that going on. Hell, anyone who reads my blog should know that. I've always been more of a stream of consciousness rambler than someone who really works on her writing. But that's OK. I'm sure some readers hate my entries - and that's fine! Really. And I know some readers kind of like my entries. That's OK too. What I like so far about RtB is that there are a lot of different voices. Even I haven't been wowed by all the entries, but the collection of various voices in one place makes it rather interesting. Downright cool if you will.

So I'll keep plugging away and do my best to think up new columns. Right now I've written 2 rough drafts and am chewing on a third idea. Next post is set for May 2.

He's Not A Dick, He's A Patron

OK I'll admit it. Last night I watched the movie Party Girl for the very first time.

Yes, despite going through a year and half of library school and working professionally for almost seven years - I had not watched Party Girl up until last night.

Party Girl is an independent movie that follows shallow Mary (Parker Posey) through her hip, vain existence. She has no real job, a closet full of clothes she obtained by less than legal means, and makes a living throwing parties. Then she gets busted by the cops and needs bail money - so she turns to her godmother, Judy, a librarian. In order to pay Judy back, Mary takes a job as a library clerk. In between conquering the Dewey Decimal system, Mary makes some revelations on the meaning of her life and falls in love with a falafel stand guy.

The librarian jokes in this movie are really quite good. When Mary first meets up with Judy at the library, there's a patron there bitching about how all the books he wants are purposely misfiled so it must be a conspiracy. After he huffs off, Mary declares "What a dick!" With Judy replying, "He's not a dick, he's a patron." Judy also has a wonderful riff on Melville Dewey and how his sexist opinions continue to haunt the profession. I'm not sure if non-librarians would find it nearly as funny, but dang if I didn't enjoy it.

My only quibble with this film is that throughout the movie Mary has a pretty kick-ass wardrobe. Think mid-1990s club scene. Lots of bright colors and vintage designs. Then she decides to make library science her career and poof! She puts on a fairly conservative suit, tames her hair and slips on the glasses. Well we can't have everything I suppose.

I finally caught Party Girl thanks to my copious movie channels and TiVo. I do recommend it. It's a fun little movie about a shallow girl growing up. The library stuff is just gravy.

Hope Springs Eternal

A big shout out to Nicole who showed me how to get titles on my blog entries! I don't know why I didn't think of looking in my Blogger settings - maybe it's all this damn California sunshine frying my brain cells?

In other news, it's that time of year when Detroit Tigers fans start deluding themselves. I've been abnormally excited about the start of baseball season, even with all the steroid nonsense going on. The Boyfriend is currently meh on the whole baseball season - and given that he's a Toronto Blue Jays fan, can we really blame him?

But it turns out I'm not the most delusional of all the Tigers fans out there. No, that honor goes to my older sister and brother-in-law - both of whom believe the Tigers will win their division this year.

I'm not sure what they're smoking - but I'm pretty sure it's crack. My brother-in-law even has a bet riding on this with one of his regular customers at work. He's obviously insane. Mentally unstable. Touched in the head. Because mark my words - Minnesota is not giving up their reign in the AL Central.

Of course, there's the tiny part of me that hopes I'm wrong and they're right.

Change-a-rino!

OK, so I've changed templates again. I decided I really should probably have a "Previous Posts" section over on my sidebar, which prompted the change.

One thing I can't seem to figure out though is titles. How the heck can I give my blog entries titles on Blogger? Can someone dumb it down for me?

In that same vane - is it just me or has Blogger become possessed by a demon? It seems better now, but this week it was a bitch for me to post entries, pictures, or comments without getting the dreaded "Document Contains No Data" error message. Gawd, I hate that error message.

I'm do not need to go into the office again until Monday - and this long weekend couldn't have come a moment too soon let me tell ya. We've been out of our minds busy for the last two weeks. Thankfully we were dead yesterday, so it gave me a chance to clean off my desk. My big plans are to get a long overdue hair cut, sleep, read, sleep, watch too much TV and sleep some more.

Could my life possibly get more glamourous?

Series-itis

Be sure to check out Miss Kassia's column over at Romancing The Blog today. I was planning on discussing the very topic of series and sequels for my next column (set for May 2), but Kassia really conveys everything quite nicely. And she even brought up one of the points I was planning to address - manipulation.

I hate heavy-handed series set-ups. They're intrusive and detract from the primary romance, which is why I'm reading the book in the first place. If the hero's best friend doesn't do anything to further that cause, and his sole purpose is to act as a "hook" to manipulate me into buying his story in April 2006 - well get him off the damn page! He's mucking up the works.

I do like series, but they have to be done well. A prime example of a well done romance series is Lorraine Heath's Texas Trilogy. Sigh, I miss that woman writing westerns. An example of a romance series I could not tolerate? Christine Feehan's GhostWalker books - and I read only the first book. She introduced so many bloody male characters that I lost track. And frankly, they were all interchangable Ken doll wannabes who did absolutely nothing to aid the romance. They just stood around and emoted. It made my eyes cross.

Now, I'm not above series. I love mystery series, mainly because they tend to follow the same character over the course of many books. Romances on the other hand cannot do that and remain romances. Following the same couple over several books makes it a saga. So the author must come up with new couples to write about. And really, it begins to get silly with some of these neverending series.

The hero in book 17 is the hero's fencing instructor's cousin's former chef's roommate from book 5. And the heroine is the illegimate daughter of the butler's childhood nanny from book 8. Geez. Just give me something fresh already.

Now I know why authors write series. They like creating a fictional world and revisiting it. It's kind of like being a dictator in your own imaginary world. And I know why publishers love them - there's gold in them thar hills if a series hits. And I know why readers love them. Really, I love them too.

Just don't try to manipulate and market me into loving them.

Ha Ha - Told You So!

Redemption! Sweet, sweet, glorious redemption!

Regular blog visitors may recall a recent post where I recounted how I got an angry letter in the mail from a patron who doesn't even frequent my library. Well, I've been vindicated! WaHoo!

Here's the sad saga:

This library patron uses a different library in the city - but our bookdrop is conveniently located on her way to work. So she likes to drop books off with us. Fine. No problem. Well apparently a couple of years ago (I was freezing my ass off in Michigan at the time) she returned a book at my library and it was never taken off her account. Fine. The library system forgives this one time only where you don't have to pay any fines. That's what she did.

Well according to her angry letter, "it was happening again." She had two books checked out on her account that she just knew she returned in our book drop. That's when she accused my library staff of not knowing how to do our jobs. I took umbrage with this since...well...I personally do the book drop every morning except on the two Saturdays I don't work every month. I know I'm doing my job correctly. Most days anyway.

She also admitted in this letter that she returned other items in the book drop around the same time and those were no longer on her account (meaning that they got checked in).

So gee, since those items got checked in, and two others did not - what can we infer from this gentle blog readers? Wait - it gets better.

I was spectacularly pissed that this woman didn't call me personally about the issue, and instead wrote an angry letter which suprised me on a Monday morning. I took this whole thing rather personally (a sorry habit of mine) and it made for a pretty miserable week.

Taking the cowards way out (and figuring the library system frowned upon bloodshed) I passed the buck to my superior. But being the masochist that I am, I kept checking this woman's library account. Call it a feeling. A nudge. A tickle at the base of my spine.

And guess what I discovered this morning? Both of the books in question were no longer on her account. Both books were back at their home libraries, not marked lost or missing. And this woman paid her overdue fines, but did not pay for "lost" books.

What can we infer from this gentle blog readers? Yep - she still had the books in question and never placed them in my library's book drop.

Gee, I wonder if I can now expect a letter of apology?

I'm not holding my breath.