When I first heard about Sylvester Stallone's latest opus, The Expendables, my immediate thought was "Damn, I wish I lived closer to my Dad." This steaming pile of mindless action, explosions, HGH abuse, and inane dialogue is just BEGGING for me to watch it with my Dad, the connoisseur of action movies (the good, the bad and the really ugly). So imagine my shock when this movie actually opened well enough to still be in the theaters a month later. Dad took the day off work today so we could spend it together, and this is what we did. We saw The Expendables. And boy howdy, it was EPIC.
I'm not actually going to write a review, because honestly? Do you really need one? Oh, all right - here it is:
It's like Rambo, if Rambo was a "people person."
That's pretty much it.
There's a bunch of guys running around throwing knives, shooting guns, bustin' out the Kung Fu, bad-guy-decapitation, a bunch of stuff blowing up and/or catching on fire. There's a token appearance by the governor of the state where I currently live, and the best "acting" in the whole movie is done by Bruce Willis, whose cameo lasts all of 5 minutes.
But as any action movie watcher will tell you, there are many subtle levels of bad. This movie was exactly what I thought it was going to be. Basically bad with some laughably terrible dialogue....but still watchable in an odd, how many hits did I take off that crack pipe?, sort of way. And heck, after watching part of The Prince Of Persia on DVD last week with My Man, The Expendables is like Gone With The Frickin' Wind in comparison. Uh, except with more HGH. And explosions. And decapitations. And knife throwing.
If that ain't quality Daddy/Daughter time, I'm not sure what is.