Thursday, March 23, 2006

The One Where Wendy Deludes Herself

Spring training is here, and Opening Day is around the corner. Yes, it's that time of year when Wendy's sense of delusionment reaches new heights - baseball season.

Every year my misguided hopes once again pin themselves on to the Detroit Tigers. Hope springs eternal, and I think that this will be the year. Yes, this will be the year that the Tigers make it to .500!

Hey, some of us like to aim small.

The Boyfriend and I were discussing baseball last night, and we did a little daydreaming:

TB: So if you could have your dream season, what would it be?

Me: I don't have to be realistic do I?

TB: No, go crazy.

Me: Tigers win the division, make the playoffs. Oh, and Johnny Damon breaks his leg, Randy Johnson's arm explodes, Jeter's leg falls off, A-Rod blows out his ankle and Mariano's head explodes.

TB: So basically you want all the Yankees to die. That's nice. Why not just have them all on board an ill-fated flight?

Me: Noooooo! Then they'll be martyrs like Roberto Clemente. Yankee fans and sports writers will wax poetic, shrines will be built - noooooo! I don't want them dead - just merely humiliated so the fans will get rabid.

TB: OK, who is the one Yankee you want to get knocked out?

Me: Johnny Damon. And it needs to be bad too. Those NY fans will be so pissed because they're paying him more money than God.

TB: That's good, but they could patch that hole. No, they need to lose Mariano. If he goes down it would ripple right through their bull pen. Farnsworth will crack under media scrutiny, and he'll be riding a bench. Then their starting pitching will be expected to carry more innings....

Me: Oh that's devious. Yeah, definitely Mariano. Where's a voodoo doll when you need one?

TB: *sigh* but the Yankees are going to be good.

Me: Crap, yeah they will. Bastards.


Anonymous said...

As a citizen of the suburbs of Detroit and the wife to a HUGE Tigers, fan... we always have the hope in the house. Unfortunetly, I am a big Yankee's fan... so I do get a lot of slack for that. But who knows... maybe the Tigers will have a good season. If not at least we have the Wings (my love) and the Pistons!

Tara Marie said...

Boy, you two are a little blood thirsty aren't you.

Go, Yankees!! :p

Wendy said...

Anon: And he married you?! I mean, I dated a Yankees fan once and it was a dark, dark period in my life (which in case he reads this - I'm just kidding David! Honest!) I could give a hoot about the NBA, but I'm all about the Pistons once the playoffs roll around. And I miss seeing Wings games. Living in So. Cal. has really cut down on how many games I get to see.

Tara - Hey, being bloodthirsty about the Yankees is a sport unto itself. In his defense - The Boyfriend is an equal opportunity hater. He can't stand the BoSox either.

jmc said...

I'm an Orioles fan. I can't help it, I live in Baltimore and learned to love baseball there, watching Cal is his twilight years. My not-so-secret dream for the AL East is strikingly similar to your dream for the Yankees :)

To make it worse, my sort of stepdad is a die-hard Yankee fan. And his Christmas present from me every year is tickets to a game in each series the Skankies are in Balmer. He used to take a friend, but for the past few years it has been all me. And he is not so gracious in victory. On the other hand, last year, the O's won each of the games we went to together, two of them come-from-behind, one with a walk-off homerun by Brian Roberts, object of my lust-filled fantasies (he's just so cute). But I didn't gloat, because they were just games, not entire series or seasons. It nearly killed me.

Jean L. Cooper said...

I grew up in Pontiac, and I remember the golden days of 1968, when the Tigers won the World Series ... it was wonderful! Denny McLain, Mickey Lolich, Al Kaline, Willy Horton ... sigh

Let's see, the Tigers won the series in 1945, 1968, and 1984. With an average of 19 years between wins, they should win in ... 2003. Hmmm ... well, they're due!

Robin said...

Amen! and Jmc I too am an Oriole fan! (Hating the Yankees just goes along with it! )

Teresa Bodwell said...

I think Yankee hating is a sport itself. I'm a Dogers fan, the dh is a BoSox man (apologies to your boyfriend). We can always agree on the Yankees.

Once we went to a Red Sox v. Rangers game in Texas. The gift that night was an "I hate the Yankees" hankie. I still have that thing.

Teresa Bodwell said...

And p.s.
The whole point of Spring is that it is the time of hope.

This is the year!

Tara Marie said...

You dated a Yankee Fan??? I don't believe it--LOL.

It must have been by mistake.

Kate R said...

Yes. Johnny Damon must pay. Grrrr

Kristie (J) said...

The only Yankee I consider half way good is the manager whose name is gone from my mind completely at the moment. I always felt he deserved a medal or something for having to report to Steinbrenner. The good news for me is they are predicting good things for the Jays this year.
We've been watching lots of spring training this year and opening day can't come soon enough. It's a sure sign of good days to come.

Lesa said...

Just found your blog, and I'm subscribing through bloglines. I'm a librarian with a blog at But, I'm writing because my Mom's cousin is Jim Leyland, the Detroit Tigers manager, and if anyone can manage that team to victory, it's Jim. I cheered for the Florida Marlins when he was manager, just because he was, and they beat my husband's beloved Cleveland Indians in the World Series. This year, we're both cheering for family and the Detroit Tigers. My husband's bought hats, jerseys and tee shirts to show his love of Detroit. Go Tigers!